You think you know a guy... :: 12:41 PM :: easyjetsetter

Hexagon My landlord and I have a bit of a hate-hate relationship. Some of you may have been wondering at my status as a"tax-evading foreigner" referred to in previous posts. I am not strictly breaking any laws, but neither am I adhering to the spirit of them. I assure you, it's his fault.

Let me explain. I am a British citizen, and thus hold a european passport. It means I can work anywhere in Europe. In France, this means I do not need a carte de sejour like all those other poor schmucks (americans.) Since I am working from home as a freelancer for a company based on another european country, my salary arrives without social security and suchlike removed.

As it happens, if you spend less than 184 days of the year in France, you don't need to file tax returns, and if you make less than 5000 euros a year, you don't pay anything. 184 days, for those who are counting, is six months. Also, I definitely make less than 5000 euros...

Now, I was fully intending to integrate into French society, get a bank account, a housing contract, a phone contract, an EDF and GDF contract, and put down roots for when I come back in fall of 2006 for my grad degree.

But it was not to be.

My landlord, who happens to be a fairly minor filmmaker, is also coasting under the radar of the tax collectors. He owns two apartments in this building, knocked them together, and shut off one entrance to make a studio. My flat. He rents it out, all utilities (except phone) included, without a contract.

The only evidence I have that I live here is a sheet of handwritten paper saying that he has my deposit, of two months rent "in exchange for the loan of a room in my flat." This is what I must tell the neighbors, the bank, the post office, and so on.

It seemed like a good idea at the time, but without proof of address (as he is unwilling to sign anything to the tune of "this person is staying with me" it means I cannot get a) a calling plan for my phone, I'm on pay as you go b) a bank account in france, I'm using the atm card from my british account c) a whole lot of other stuff, like refunds, and video store membership, or a swipe card for the metro instead of the easily demagnetised carte orange. In short, I am a non-person.

I don't really live here, or have any proof that I do, and I don't really, technically, work here either. My landlord and I have arguments every time I want to do something official and he doesn't want me to. He invariably wins. For exmaple, I get packages returned in the post all the time, as he won't put my name on the mailbox. He won't take my deposit in lieu of the last two months of rent.

The other day when my bank smoked some crack and blocked my account for no good reason, he had the audacity to ask me why I didn't have a French bank account, to which I replied through gritted teeth "because I don't have any proof of address." He was suitably sheepish, and agreed to wait the 24 hours it would take to reactivate my account for the rent.

So imagine my surprise when I called him to ask for a month to month contract and not only did he say "well, I will think about it" but also, when I offerred to make it easier for him to say yes by helping him to find a new tenant when the time comes he said "well, as long as it's someone as good as you."

WHAT??? I nearly choked on my own spittle, so sharp was my intake of breath. Apparently, he thinks I am "calm and responsible" and "nice to have around." So, all this time, he's been screwing me over as a way of saying he likes me? I will never understand the French.