So you want to be my boyfriend? :: 07:19 PM :: easyjetsetter

Social Circle Candidates must not turn over the exam paper before the invigilator instructs you to do so. On your answer sheet, fill in your name, phone number, email address, social security number and sexual orientation. Use a number 2 pencil. Be sure to fill in the bubbles completely on your answer sheet. If you circle, tick, strikethrough, or only half-fill the bubble, your answer will not be tabulated.

Failure to do any of this will lead me to the conclusion that you are incapable of following basic instructions and will automatically disqualify you on the grounds of incompetence.

You may turn over your question sheet now.

1) Are you a man or a:
a) mouse
b) mollusc
c) monkey
d) manatee
e) none of the above
f) all of the above

2) Are you secretly Texan?
a) HEEEELLL YEAH!
b) I have nothing against Texans I just wish they wouldn't FLAUNT it in public.
c) Only on weekdays. At weekends my gimp name is Mandy.
d) I resent your implication that Texans are anything but normal people who happen to have made a different lifestyle choice from you. We are the last minority that it's ok to discriminate against, and I'd like to see legislation enacted on my behalf that enshrines my rights and protects me from hate crimes.
e) both a & c
f) neither d nor a

3) How many wrongs make a right:
a) 2
b) Just because it feels good doesn't make it right
c) The answer is blowin' in the wind
d) A number tending towards the approximate square root of pi
e) A big slice of pie makes everything right
f) What's right and wrong again?

4) How well do you know Johnny Depp?
a) fairly
b) intimately
c) biblically
d) ironically
e) I have his phone number and can give it to you
f) I'm a sad fat loser who doesn't know Johhny Depp

5) Religious affiliation?
a) Pseuddhist
b) Texas
c) Jedi
d) Sith
e) Johnny Depp
f) Pie

6) Perfect date:
a) Dinner, movie, S&M
b) Cow tipping
c) Smart car tipping
d) Julia Roberts
e) March 7, 1983
f) Candied

7) Why do you want to date me?
a) I just saw you walking in the street. That's how I meet girls.
b) I like to break a filly with spirit.
c) I'm 45 and you're such a little fountain of youth
d) I really, you know, dig you. You remind me of my girlfriend.
e) You've got lovely eyes
f) My friend told me you were easy.

Your time is up. Put down your pencils, hand your sheets in. NOW BUGGER OFF you panoply of twitching, oily, smarmy, oversexed, ageing, balding, psychotic, dribbling FREAKS.

Gay or taken, my friends. All the good ones are gay or taken.

UPDATE 23/5:
Ok, obviously, this is A JOKE, but there is a serious point behind it.

When it comes to the job search, nobody questions that the most effective and efficient way of matching up employees and companies involves preliminary screening on paper. Imagine if, like in dating, an employer had to spend time meeting everyone who wanted the job?

I recently applied for a job with a government department, which consisted of answering an online test remotely and being screened by an HR consultancy before going for a day of tests and role-playing in London. Since they had to reimburse me for the trip to London, they wanted to make sure I wasn't a fuckwit first. I didn't get the job (they were looking for someone with more staff-management abilities than a 22 year old), but I liked how they set up the application procedure.

Dating needs this. Badly. In the simple economic sense of making the search more efficient. Especially if you intend to invest in it, e.g. paying for dinner and birthday presents and contraception and such.

As with the real-life situation that inspired question 7 d) one can often find out too late major flaws that makes the adventure amount to a waste of time and money, thanks to a lack of pre-date screening. No successful economic system can survive inefficient labour recruitment.

I feel that this is why online dating services are so successful, people feel they can meet the KIND of people they want, rather than relying on chance to drift them their way.

Just a thought - I'm sure most people would (at least publicly) resist the idea that online dating services can be more efficient and effective and therefore better. We don't want to admit that love is subject to the same economic pressures as other systems of exchange. For more about sex and money take a look at stumbling and mumbling's post about sex and unemployment? Highly recommend it.

Also piece of worriesome news. I am in the first page of results on google for "my ideal man." Damn.